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The Inquirer

The student news site of Diablo Valley College.

The Inquirer

The student news site of Diablo Valley College.

The Inquirer

You’re the one, but not the only

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Here’s the standard narrative we are told about relationships from the churches, movies and Oprah type entertainment personalities.

Man pursues woman to find “the one for me.” He’s interested in looks. She’s interested in status. If she’s the one, they get married “til death do us part.” They live happily ever after; never to have sex with anyone else…..ever again.

To keep evil thoughts of infidelity at bay, she reads articles like “Eight ways to make him horny again,” he gets her rose petals and see-through lingerie and oh my god, it will be just like the first time!

If either of them breaks this doctrine, that is more than enough of a reason to divorce at the expense of their children and spend years in civil courts over petty disputes.

Attorneys might find this picture ideal, but I find it silly.

Believe it or not, before agriculture came to western society, people were fiercely egalitarian as women had as much say as men. They shared everything from food, tools.

The Arawaks, for example, who once lived in what is today called the Dominican Republic were “so naive and so free with their possessions that no one who has not witnessed them would believe it.

When you ask for something they have, they never say no,” according to Christopher Columbus. Women in this society were treated so well, it shocked the Spaniards.

Historic human rights activist and Dominican friar Bartolome De Las Casas described sex relations: “Marriage laws are non-existent; men and women alike choose their mates and leave them as they please, without offense, jealousy or anger.”

Unfortunately we cannot visit or interview any Arawaks today because Columbus and his patriarchal crewmen raped, murdered and enslaved all of them during their several expeditions for “gold, god and glory.”

It was not until the creation of private property due to agriculture causing civilization and the subsequent subjection of women when monogamy became the norm. Women, like cattle and crops, became the property of men.

There are still many communities not yet destroyed by the dominant culture that have different ideas on sexual relations. The matriarchal Mosuo from China for example, have complete sexual autonomy. Two consenting adults decide what they want to do with their bodies without outside influences in what is called a “walking marriage,” according to their cultural website. Of course the Chinese Communist Party has tried tirelessly to force the Mosuo to change their ways and go monogamous, with absolute failure so far.

Meanwhile, in this country, 50-60 percent of men and 45-55 percent of women have or had extramarital affairs according to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy. Nevertheless, 42 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction according to the American Medical Association. Would any of this even happen if people were satisfied with their sex life?

How many politicians and celebrities do we have to bear witness to their insincere, public confessions of being “unfaithful,” until we realize that maybe they aren’t jerks, but just people with more opportunities?

Monogamy, like war and poverty, not from human nature, but results from a culture that considers property over people.

Monogamy may work for some, but it should not be compulsory and institutionalized through marriage and social norms.

Communication in relationships is necessary, not denial.

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About the Contributor
Brian Donovan, Editor-in-chief
Editor-in-chief, spring 2012. Staff member, spring and fall 2011.

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