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The student news site of Diablo Valley College.

The Inquirer

The student news site of Diablo Valley College.

The Inquirer

Away with words: The Web is killing English

Troy Patton ()

“kAbOrin9 ..!!! miS oLL d hApi timES..!! mZ. LoneLy gUrL.. 🙁 🙁 niD sUm eLp”

If you had a problem understanding the previous sentence, fear not.

Through a loose understanding of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and my trusty code wheel, I’ve managed to decipher it.

It roughly reads, “The murder of the English language,” or something about being sad; my code wheel doesn’t have a translation for emoticons. 

And yes, that is an actual sentence I found on the Internet written by what I would assume is a human being. Then again, all bets are off when your sentences look like a cokehead was practicing his craft by making lines out of alphabet soup.

The longer you spend on the Internet the more familiar you may be with the type of systematic “character” assassination that seems to be more and more commonplace.

What current Internet speech has devolved into makes me shudder and, at the same time, fearful for what the world would be like if this type of speech became the norm. 

Simple things like using the word “r” instead of “are” and forgetting to capitalize the word “i” can be attributed to pure laziness, because reaching that shift key obviously requires a momentous effort.

However, egregious misspelling and complete disregard for capitalization or punctuation make me wonder how one could type like this without deliberate effort.

How does a person decide to capitalize both L’s in the word “LoneLy?” 

That takes effort. That takes conscious thought. Someone has to say, “You know what, I’m totally going to capitalize these two letters for absolutely no reason.”

While I’m well aware that this rant makes me sounds like a crotchety old man, the English language has been honed and developed over hundreds of years and any changes have been slow and methodical.

But if the English language is devolving into this form we see above, I want to get off the world now.  I don’t belong here anymore. Also, you kids get off of my lawn.

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About the Contributor
Troy Patton
Troy Patton, Arts & Features Editor
Arts and features editor, spring 2013.

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Away with words: The Web is killing English