‘Jupiter’ does nothing but plateau


Courtesy of Warner Bros.

Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum star in the new SCIFI movie “Jupiter Ascending.”

Tyler Elmore, Co-editor-in-chief

What could have been a very empowering female lead turned out to be just another forgettable “damsel in distress” that Hollywood created to keep the male viewers happy.

If you smashed “The Princess Diaries” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” together you would get the far less humorous “Jupiter Ascending.” In other words, the classic “I just found out that I am a princess story” has been thrown into outer space.

“Jupiter Ascending” creates the anticipation of “The Hunger Games,” with a strong female lead you feel is going to kick some butt. The movie in general is entertaining, but unfortunately Jupiter, played by Mila Kunis, falls short.

It starts out as quintessential Disney without actually being a Disney movie: Jupiter’s dad dies, thus she scrubs rich people’s toilets and floors. Sound familiar?

Most of the movie was filled with references to other popular movies. One scene clearly refers to “Scarface” and other parts strongly resembled “Guardians of the Galaxy” and “Star Wars.”

Where “Jupiter” fails is in the fact that Kunis never actually “ascends.” She is constantly saved by Caine (Channing Tatum), a Han Solo-esque renegade, hired to abduct her, who is part dog, part human.

The first time he does, she is clearly swept off her feet. She even makes a joke about how she has “always loved dogs.” It isn’t until the end of the movie that Caine realizes he loves her, but we all saw it coming.

After Jupiter learns she is royalty, she makes one bad decision after another, as any “damsel” would. The only time she actually fights is when she finally meets Balem Abrasax, played by Eddie Redmayne, face to face.

The worst part about their altercation? Redmayne’s character was the wimpiest character of them all. He has the physique of a 12 year old and the voice of an 80 year old who had smoked for 50 years. When he grabs her throat, it seems more like a gentle caress.

The redeeming quality of this movie was that the visual effects were great; the different worlds were lush and full of beautiful colors. Unfortunately, in 3D, the fight scenes were a little muddled to the eye but still exciting nonetheless.

This was one of those times I wish there was a book that this movie was based on, because I know it would’ve been better.